I have many small pet peeves, and one of them is a phrase you hear all the time. You know the one.

It goes something like, “Oh just do what makes you happy!” or “As long as it makes you happy, I support you!”

It makes me cringe because most people are referring to a temporal form of happiness. An allusive and ambiguous term, happiness is a way many people rationalize their sins or the self-seeking pleasures they indulge in. Sometimes, however, things that make us happy right now will not make us happy long term. On the flip side, we can only obtain the ultimate happiness of heaven by choosing the cross. And in the cross, there are quite a few unhappy moments.

Its ironic because by choosing holiness (which oftentimes involves suffering and the cross) over temporal happiness, we get closer to true and lasting joy. And those who search their whole lives for happiness will never find it until they recognize this truth.

So no, we may not mean any harm when we tell someone to “do what makes them happy.” But in so doing, we are still inadvertently encouraging our listeners to chase whatever they think makes them happy in each moment, no matter how sinful or immoral it may be.

It may seem as if we are caring for our friends’ souls because we want our friends to be happy. But the truth is if we genuinely love our friends and want their happiness, we should be encouraging their pursuit of holiness FIRST and NOT their pursuit of happiness here on earth. We should feel a sense of responsibility for their souls.

That’s the reason I’m even writing this at all. Seeing people live sinful lives saddens me because I see the potential they are capable of. I truly care about people’s souls and not just their happiness right now, and I refuse to give up on them.

So while it may sound odd, I refuse to “just do what makes me happy,” and I don’t want my friends to pursue happiness either! Rather, I wish my friends to first be holy, and then I know they will be happy. 

What Did Jesus Do?

One of the main problems we encounter when encouraging others to holiness is coming across as hateful or judgmental. Sometimes it’s hard to present the truth in a loving manner to friends with very different beliefs than you. I get it because I struggle with it daily.

But then I think about what Jesus did. He was friends with tax collectors, adulterers, thieves and sinners. Yet he was merciful, while also presenting the truth. He didn’t hide it from them or say everything was going to be sunshine and roses. In fact, some of His friends even rejected Him and walked away when they learned of the Truth.

“Then many of his disciples who were listening said, ‘This saying is hard, who can accept it?’ Jesus said to them, “Does this shock you?… The words I have spoken to you are spirit and life. But there are some of you who do not believe.” As a result of this, many of his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him (John 6: 60-64; 66).”

Loving Without Condoning

Love requires us to show mercy and truth. We will encounter people from all walks of life, and we must not hate or judge them. But we CANNOT love their sins. We love the sinner, but we hate the sin. And to truly love them is to embrace the responsibility of leading themto the Truth.

St. John Paul the Great said it well in one of his famous quotes.

“Do not accept anything as the truth if it lacks love. And do not accept anything as love which lacks truth! One without the other becomes a destructive life.”

Internationally acclaimed author and speaker, Matthew Kelly, also reiterates this point in his book, “Perfectly Yourself.”

“To love someone means that from time to time you will be required by that love to tell someone something that they would rather not hear. Forthrightness is one of the fundamental elements of healthy relationships, and yet most people lack the virtue to challenge the people they claim to love in this way.”

He goes on to give the example of modern parenting, and how many parents today are more interested in being a friend to their kids than a parent. In trying to be accepted as a friend instead as a parent, Kelly explains how many parents shrink back from serving as a true guide to their children.

We aren’t called to this artificial concept of love! We are called to love authentically, which means pointing others to the Truth and being an example of Christ to them.

Responsibility & Patience

Now everyone we encounter will have a different starting point, so we must learn to be patient. After all, we all have our sins, pitfalls, and struggles. I’m right there with you!

So whether it’s someone who struggles with same-sex attraction, a man or woman who suffers silently over an aborted child, someone struggling with abuse, depression, and anxiety, someone with an addiction to alcohol, drugs, or pornography, people involved in sexual sins, or maybe it’s someone who has completely written off God and given up on Him. It’s our job to show them that we won’t give up on them. God doesn’t give up. And we are there with them through their struggles.

They don’t need us to tell them to just “do whatever makes them happy,” because those sins that they think make them happy, actually won’t. After they run off and do whatever they think brings them joy, they’ll still have that emptiness inside of them. That’s why it’s our job to be with them, understand their struggles, and point them to the truth when they don’t know what that is.

[ctt template=”5″ link=”yJwc1″ via=”no” ]”To truly love someone means feeling responsible for their soul and pointing them to the truth.” #beautifuldepths @beautifuldepths[/ctt]

It’s our responsibility to hold them accountable and encourage them to do what makes them holy. And I hope you all do the same to me too because we’re in this together.

So let’s resolve to stop with the superficial love and start being responsible for those around us. Let’s refuse to “just do what makes us happy.”

From the depths of my soul,

Josie