HOW YOU CAN LOVE OTHERS & YOURSELF MORE FULLY
It all started sometime in middle school.
I began having issues with my reproductive health so my mom took me to doctor after doctor to figure out what was going on. Time and time again, after my mom left the exam room, the doctor or nurse would say,
“Okay, your mom isn’t here now. Are you sure you’re not sexually active and there’s no chance you are pregnant?”
They never believed me when I said I was waiting for marriage and made me feel guilty for not being sexually active. After that awkward conversation, their solution to my problem was always birth control.
“Maybe you should just give it a try and see if it straightens you out.”
No. No. No. I refused. I had no clue why as I knew nothing about birth control. I just knew it was wrong, and I was not taking it.
After some ovarian cysts were eventually discovered and surgically removed, I had to continue to go to annual checkups with my ObGyn. Every time I went it was the same questions and the same answers.
No, I was not sexually active. No, I was in no way possible pregnant. And yet again, they didn’t believe me and tried to push the birth control pill on me.
Throughout the rest of high school and college it was pretty smooth sailing as far as my feminine health. I mean, my cycles were still mega-abnormal, but that was my normal. However, the issues returned my senior year of college, so I went to the doctor in my school town to get checked out. And again, the same questions:
“Are you sure you’re not possibly pregnant? Why don’t you try the pill?”
That’s when I started taking matters into my own hands.
A BETTER ALTERNATIVE
I knew birth control was like putting a bandaid over a wound and didn’t really fix the issue. Plus, I heard the Catholic Church was against the pill, so I started to search for answers as to why.
In the midst of the search, a friend told me about Natural Family Planning (NFP). The idea initially sounded silly since I wasn’t planning a family. However, a year later when that friend began teaching NFP, I was quick to jump on board. I wanted answers to my health issues and had a hard time trusting my doctors to find the root at this point. She shared how using NFP can help women understand their bodies and get to the root of their health issues in a natural, holistic way. For the first time in years of struggling with my health, I felt like I had hope.
I have now been tracking my cycles for a little over three years. Since getting married five months ago, I have also been able to use the system in marriage. Natural Family Planning has been an absolute gift in my reproductive health journey through both my single and married life!
WHAT IS NFP?
NFP is a way of tracking the biological signs of a woman’s body in order to help understand her overall health and fertility. It can be used by women who are single (I wasn’t even dating when I started), engaged, or married to maintain health, understand fertility, and build their families in marriage.
There are many different methods to meet the many different needs of each woman. However, the beauty in the use of ALL methods is that NFP allows a woman to feel empowered by knowing what is happening in her body. It also allows couples to love each other in a deeper way by understanding how their fertility works together.
When using NFP as a single or engaged woman, it is incredible to learn what your body is telling you. You have a beautiful opportunity to advocate for your health rather than blindly follow what your doctor tells you. Additionally, it is helpful to be proactive in straightening out your cycle before entering into your vocation. That way, when the time comes to use NFP with your husband (or use it to manage painful periods in the convent if that’s where you’re called), you will confidently know what your cycles are telling you and when you are or are not fertile.
Additionally, when using NFP in marriage, there will be times when a couple is trying to achieve a pregnancy and other times when there is grave reason to avoid (as properly discerned by the couple). This means there will be times the couple will have to abstain from having intercourse or any genital contact during the woman’s cycle. Some people view this as a burden or “just another rule that makes me have no fun.” However, the beauty in having periods of abstinence from sex truly allows the spouses to learn how to love each other in ways that are not physical. Contrary to popular belief, there is so much more to a person than their physical being—there is an entire mind and soul thirsting to be known, loved, and cared for deeply.
“ISN’T NFP JUST ‘CATHOLIC BIRTH CONTROL?'”
This is a common question I am asked as an NFP instructor. While the question irks me, I can’t really blame people for seeing it this way since the modern world of science places natural fertility-based awareness methods in the same group of family planning as all contraceptive birth control methods (the pill, IUDs, etc.).
But here’s the truth: The Church sees the beauty in the marital embrace of intercourse and how liberating it can be when lived out freely. So the Church wants a married couple to have sex and be filled with life and love through it. (Check out the teachings of St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.)
The Church teaches all acts of intercourse are meant to be both unitive and procreative for the husband and wife. Unitive meaning it unites their bodies and souls together, giving them a foretaste of Heaven. Procreative meaning open to creating life with our Creator. When we start introducing contraception into the equation, we are no longer living in the freedom of being both unitive and procreative. Rather, we are saying no to what our very bodies are meant to do and causing chaos in our natural cycles. The Church condemns birth control as a grave evil because it goes against our very nature and does not allow our bodies to freely function as they should.
As an alternative, the Church gives us the option to have the knowledge of when we are or are not fertile, using natural methods. While birth control impedes on our nature by not allowing our bodies to properly function, NFP allows us to freely work in unison with our nature by selecting times of fertility or infertility to have intercourse. In this way, we are not saying “absolutely not” to creating life. Rather, we are able to discern what would or would not be a good time to have a child. For example, if my husband loses his job or one of us becomes very sick, that could be grave reason for us to decide to wait to add a child into the equation. Deciding what is or is not grave reason needs to be discussed as couple. It could help to consult a priest or spiritual director as well.
A CHALLENGE
I know as a single woman it can be hard to say no when your doctor recommends birth control to help “regulate your cycles.” As a married couple, it may be tempting to use contraceptives as a “quick fix” to family planning. But birth control is not your only or best option. NFP allows women to determine what is actually going on with their bodies, plan their families, while following the teachings of the Catholic Church. It allows you to love deeper and more authentically.
When it comes to health and fertility, you DO have options. Whether you are single, engaged, or married, you have the option to know what is truly happening in your body and how to naturally allow your body to function correctly.
Wherever you are in life, I want to challenge you to do research. If what I have said is not understood, why not look into reputable resources to learn? (Hint: check the bottom of this post…).
I am forever grateful for the very little knowledge I had back when my feminine health issues began that allowed me to discover the truth of my body using NFP as a single woman. And now, I am even more grateful to be using the system in marriage because it allows me to love my husband in a self-giving and self-disciplined way.
If you have never considered NFP before, maybe you should look into it as an alternative option to what you’re looking for- without the harmful side effects.
All my love,
Kaylee
Additional Resources
PODCAST: Among the Lilies Episode 52 hosted by Cameron Fradd
QUIZ: How to Choose your Fertility Awareness Method
VIDEO: Emily Wilson “Ask Emily Week 1, NFP vs. Birth Control,” she starts discussing this around minute 4
ARTICLE: What is the big deal about Catholics using birth control?
Fr. Mike Schmitz’s take on NFP
Four Quick Takes on Four Natural Methods
EXPLORE FURTHER AT: www.naturalwomanhood.org , www.factsaboutfertility.org , and dive into the Catechism of the Catholic Church or read Humana Vitae by Pope Paul IV
