Dreams of My Vocation

When I was little, I often daydreamed of the man I would marry one day. What would he be like? Where would we meet? How would he look? What would our relationship entail?

I dated quite a bit in college and found myself journaling prayers for my future spouse. As I grew in my relationship with Jesus, I opened my heart to the possibility of being Christ’s bride in religious life- if that’s what God wanted for me. But in the back of my mind, I always had a deep desire for earthly marriage and motherhood.

When I became a missionary for the Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS) right out of college, I paused the thoughts of my future vocation and spent one year fasting from dating. I promised Jesus I would stop obsessing over my future and pray three Hail Mary’s each night for my future spouse- whether that be Jesus or a man He had in store for me.

What Living the Dream is Really Like

Fast forward three and a half years (and many beautiful works of the Lord) and here I am. A little over two months married to the man I always daydreamed of and prayed for.

And yes, marrying my best friend who is holy and virtuous is an absolute dream.

However, I knew marriage would be hard. I knew that if this is how God wanted to make me a saint, I would have to pick up my cross and follow Him daily by loving Him through my husband.

What I was not prepared for was how difficult the transition would be. I had been dreaming of living out my vocation my whole life, but had no idea the emotional shock that came with it.

If you’re on social media these days, it seems like everyone is getting married, having babies, and living their best life. Posts about engagements, weddings, honeymoons, and babies seem to take over your feed and make it seem like everyone else is living their dream. It’s easy to look at these pictures and feel like other people’s lives are a perfect fairytale ending.

But what people don’t usually tell you in that picturesque Instagram post is the difficulty of adjusting to marriage and new seasons of life.

Transition has smacked me in the face like a bird smashing into a clear glass window. Hard. Quick. Painful. But each day, Jesus picks me back up and refreshes my heart just like the bird gets back up again to fly away.

[ctt template=”11″ link=”WwyE7″ via=”yes” ]”Transition has smacked me in the face like a bird smashing into a clear glass window. Hard. Quick. Painful. But each day, Jesus picks me back up and refreshes my heart just like the bird gets back up again to fly away.” // Kaylee Kuhlman [/ctt]

Adjusting to a Different Pace

Before I married my husband in September, my life was going a million miles a minute. I was preparing for marriage and a big move to Florida, going through a job change, and traveling. But it’s funny because even though my life was so hectic then, I was at such peace. The Lord was helping me remain calm by taking it one step (and one day) at a time.

It was easy to move forward with my life’s transitions when everything was moving so fast. The hardest part came in the aftermath- settling down, figuring out the new normal- that is what has really rattled my faith.

I went from being a full-time FOCUS missionary on a college campus to a full-time babysitter and part-time Natural Family Planning instructor. I went from three years of daily Mass and holy hours to now barely being able to get 30 minutes of prayer in each day. When I’m able to make it to daily Mass, it is in a rush after work when it is so hard to concentrate at the end of a long day.

Our house is still not fully unpacked and we have nothing on our walls. My husband and I are constantly cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and asking ourselves when it will end. (The answer is never, just wait until kids come.)

I cry often because I don’t know what I’m doing, and I miss my old Kentucky home, even though I haven’t lived there for over three years. I’m searching for new hobbies that bring me joy now that I’m not around my students anymore. While everything is finally calming down, I’m still struggling with the adjustment.

I was so used to the busyness of wedding planning and missionary life that now I feel as though I’m in a culture shock of calmness. I still have work, and I’m still busy. It’s just different. Everything is different now.

How to Embrace Transitions

Transitioning to a change of pace has been difficult for me. However, there are certain habits that have helped me embrace the change wholeheartedly, and I thought they could help you too.

If you find yourself in a season of transition, hang in there. Maybe you’re not making as many life changes as I have these past few months, but you could be transitioning to a new job, a new place to live, a new class, a new relationship, or even moving on from a broken relationship.

I know it is not easy. But take a deep breath because you are not alone. Here are a few helpful tips I embraced as I moved to a new season of life:

1. Live in the Present Moment: Don’t forget this. It is so tempting to wish this time away. However, we are reminded in Ecclesiastes chapter 3, “There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens… God has made everything appropriate to its time.” Throughout every season of life, God’s grace is in each present moment. Rather than wallowing in sadness, remember this exact moment right now is a gift from God that you will never again have. So be attentive to what He is showing you now. How is He loving you and how is He moving your heart in the present moment?
2. Reflect on Grace: How have you gotten to where you are now? In what ways have you seen the Lord’s hand guiding your life thus far? Take a few minutes to silence your heart and recount all the moments you have encountered Christ in your life or the moments you have really felt His presence. You would be surprised at the joy this can bring as you’re reminded that He has never abandoned you thus far, so why would He abandon you now? He is present in the storm. Sometimes we just have to reflect on the graces to find Him.
3. Embrace Vulnerability: Lastly, be willing to be uncomfortable and let someone else into the suffering. Vulnerability is hard. But when we are experiencing hardships and suffering, we aren’t meant to carry the load on our own. Jesus, in His own passion, let Simon carry the cross for Him. Who are the people in your life God has given you to help you carry the crosses? Talk to them. Let them know you’re not okay. It’s okay to not be okay. But don’t try to fight this fight alone. Let people love you. Even if that makes you uncomfortable.

Trust the Man in Control

Transitioning to a new season of life is hard. Somedays it feels never ending. But as we are reminded throughout all of Scripture- God is in control and His plans are so much better than our own.

This season of transition will not last forever. So instead of being overwhelmed by it, how can you embrace it?

All my love,

Kaylee

ABOUT KAYLEE 
Kaylee Kuhlman is a small-town Kentucky girl who has become a big-city Florida resident after marrying her husband, Matthew.  She is a former missionary with FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) who now works full-time as a babysitter. She is also working part-time as a Natural Family Planning Practitioner Intern, which means she is learning to teach women and couples about their fertility health.

We are so glad Kaylee felt called to share her story with you all today! We are even MORE excited that she is joining us as the newest member of our Beautiful Depths ministry team. Be on the lookout for more content written by her in the future.