I wiped the tears streaming down my face as I drove through Indiana backroads, returning to my new “hometown” after a trip to Lake Michigan. Even after three months living here, it still didn’t feel like home no matter how hard I tried, how many friends I made, or how many activities I involved myself in. I’d never experienced “homesickness’ before, but it suddenly hit me like a bird crashing into a window. Fast. Hard. Sudden. And I didn’t know why.
I’d traveled the world playing competitive tennis and never once felt homesick. So when I decided to leave the world of professional tennis and take a writing job in northern Indiana, I just assumed I’d be fine. And I was… at first.
1,000 MILES FROM HOME
Three months was how long it took for the newness and excitement of moving across the country, starting a new job, and making tons of new friends to wear off. And once it did, I was left with a sense of sadness—but not because my life here was bad.
On the contrary, it was great! Nonetheless, I missed the familiarity of my old life, the one I’ve known since childhood—sunny Florida, constant travel, tennis tournaments, home cooked meals from Momma, calling my dad to strategize before tennis matches, being within driving-distance of my six siblings and the beach. All of that—the only life I’ve ever known—was gone, or at least a thousand miles away.
All of this was unfamiliar. I didn’t know what I was doing. What in the world prompted me to quit my job as a professional tennis player to take an office job where I sit at a desk writing all day and get bored when I finish all my work? Why would I move from sunny, beautiful Florida with its constant warmth to the bleak midwest? Doubts quickly flooded my mind as I questioned all the decisions I’d made in the last five months.
TRUSTING MYSELF
During this low point, my head was all over the place and I didn’t know what to believe. The only thing that kept me sane was returning to silence—to prayer and intimacy with the Lord—to remind me of what was true.
Soon enough, practical Josie began to reassure me that I am here for a reason. I may not know that reason at the moment, but I had to trust the discernment process that led me here and know that God is guiding every action. He’s not illiterate—all of this is part of the story He has written for me.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3: 5-6
These words were my solace in my time of discomfort. As I sat before the Blessed Sacrament, I suddenly realized that He was my only consolation here in this unfamiliar place. And what a beautiful grace! Prior to this point in my life, I’ve always had other things to cling to in hard times: family, tennis, friends, the comforts of home… but now all I had was Him and His Mother guiding me.
They were my home now and always. I didn’t need to be comfortable to be at peace because I would always have them with me. Perhaps this time of growth was to teach me that I didn’t need anything else to sustain me and that I could embrace any amount of discomfort in life by leaning on my Rock.
We all go through our ups and downs, our seasons of desolation and consolation, but do we allow those low points in our lives to transform us? Or do we avoid discomfort at all costs?
STEP OUT IN FAITH
Growth happens in the uncomfortable. It doesn’t happen by staying stagnant, being paralyzed by fear to leave the comfort zone, or an unwillingness to budge from our own agenda. Growth happens when we surrender it all to the Lord: When we say yes to the promptings of the Holy Spirit—that spark inside of us, that crazy idea or thought we often return to. We don’t have to have everything planned out (even though the world says we do). We just need to have the courage to say yes, take a leap, and throw ourselves into the discomfort of the unknown.
Staying in my world and bubble of competitive tennis in Florida wouldn’t have been bad, but I was stagnant there. Tennis was all I had known, and I needed to discover what else was out there and explore who I am created to be. I felt called to do and experience more, so I took a leap of faith.
I know this discomfort won’t last forever, and I won’t have to live so far from family forever. But it’s where I’m called to be now in this moment. I don’t need to understand the why behind all the change or have it all figured out. All I need is to trust in God’s providence and know that every moment is an opportunity for grace—an opportunity to learn about myself, to grow and evolve into the woman I’m meant to be. Each day is a chance to embrace that discomfort and rely on the Lord to sustain me, and I hope you’ll join me.
EMBRACE THE DISCOMFORT
Are you in a place of discomfort? Maybe you’re scared to take a leap of faith into unknown waters because you’re scared of stepping outside your comfort zone. Don’t be.
I’m a big believer in trying new things—how else are we supposed to learn about ourselves, what we like, what we don’t like, and what sets our souls on fire? Be open to taking a risk and stepping out in faith. Even if you don’t end up doing that thing long-term, you can move forward with a newfound awareness of yourself and a greater confidence in the direction you’re headed.
So take the leap into the discomfort of the unknown. Be okay with going where you feel led even if you have no clue what comes after. Maybe God’s calling you to try something new now to prepare you for your future. Wherever you are, whatever discomfort you are facing, choose to enter into it. Choose to grow through it. He is with you always.
From the depths of my soul,
