If I was doing it right, wouldn’t I be flooded with consolation?
I’ve asked myself this question several times over the last few months as I have struggled with prayer. I’ll admit that much of my prayer has been distracted and rushed. But even on my best days, I still feel as though it’s been dry. God still feels so far away. I look back on those days when God felt so impossibly close to me and remember the sweetness and joy of every moment. I find myself wondering if and when I will ever again feel that consolation.
Each day, when I sit down to pray, I find myself craving that sweetness. I think to myself: Maybe this time. Maybe today, I will feel God’s presence.
As time has continued on, however, I have felt God challenge these thoughts.
Are you praying just to receive what you want? Or are you praying to be with me, the One who loves you so much?
The Giver & His Gifts
It’s so easy to think that prayer is for the purpose of asking God for what we want: consolation and answered requests. When in reality, these things (even when they are really good things!) can quickly become idols. They can become the wrong kinds of attachments. Sure, they might not seem like “worldly attachments” like money, recognition, or pleasure. But they are still not God.
We shouldn’t pray to be consoled, to feel joyful, or to receive the answers to our requests because the truth is that God doesn’t owe us anything. Rather, all of these things are true gifts from a loving Father. They can, however, quickly blind us. It’s so easy for us to begin to want the gifts more than we want the Giver.
Our prayer should be an act of love. It is choosing to set aside time to be with our Father, Redeemer, and Sanctifier when we could be doing a thousand other things. On the sweetest days, it is sharing intimate moments with the Lover of your soul. On the hardest days, it is showing up and battling your discomfort, distraction, and tiredness for the One who has given you life.
At all times, prayer is much more about God than it ever is about us.
I Am Ready to Wait for You
In a season like this one, I can’t help but think of Saint Teresa of Calcutta. She heard God’s call for her life and committed herself to it entirely. She was known the world over in her lifetime for her acts of love and service. She started her own religious order and even won the Nobel Prize. The world knew her for her gentleness, her care, and her love for the Lord.
After her death, however, her letters to her spiritual director were revealed. This gentle woman, who had given up everything to dedicate her life to the Lord, confessed that for most of her life she felt an intense spiritual dryness and loneliness. She felt as if God was far away from her and she carried many doubts about her life.
And yet, in a letter to Jesus, she wrote, “I beg of You only one thing—please do not take the trouble to return soon—I am ready to wait for You for all eternity.”
Although she felt as if God was far from her, she continued to show up for Him every single day and was willing to wait for Him for ever—because she loved the Giver more than the gifts.
He is Good
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t turn to the Father with our requests, but that we should do it in complete humility, not expecting Him to answer in our way or in our time. Rather, we should come to Him with our requests, our dreams, and our fears because we know He’s there. We know He is listening and we are sure of His presence, even if we don’t feel it.
Should our prayers be answered as we had hoped, let us rejoice. But if not, we should still come back to prayer the next day. And the next. Because we are certain of His love and we love Him in return.
Should He flood us with His consoling presence, let us sing out in praise. But if not, He is still good. And that alone is reason enough for our song.
From my heart to yours,
