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Is Love Really Love?

Is Love Really Love?

A TWENTY-SOMETHING’S TAKE ON SEX, SAME-SEX ATTRACTION, & AUTHENTIC LOVE

I have several gay friends, and I’m sure you do, too.

I don’t know what your personal views on homosexuality are, but if you’re Catholic, you know that the Church is uncompromising in its stance against same-sex marriage. This has caused many to turn away from the faith or urge the Church to loosen its “old fashioned values.” When many other Christian denominations have loosened their standards to fit modern culture, the Catholic Church has stayed firm, and for good reason.

And I get it. When I look at it from others’ perspective, I understand why they would think this teaching is harsh. To them, it’s like saying two people who are in love can’t marry, and that just sounds awful, right??

But it’s not the same thing. I hope to explain why today.

The Church has its teachings for a reason, and unless we give ourselves a chance to understand the beauty, depth, and why behind the teaching, we are doing ourselves an injustice.

You don’t have to agree with me, but I hope you will listen. I stand for the sanctity of the sacrament of marriage between a man and a woman, but it’s not because I’m a hateful, bigoted, homophobic, white female. Rather, I hope you will understand that I truly love my gay friends and want the best for them, which is why I want their highest and truest good: heaven.

INHERENT VALUE

I want to start by making the point that just because someone has same-sex attractions does not make them any less valuable to the Lord. Our identity is still the same regardless of who we are attracted to: We are children of God, created for heaven and meant to be with Him in eternity. We are not defined by what we do, our sexual orientation, or anything else. It’s WHOSE we are.

I think that’s important to state because so often people struggling with this sin turn away from God because “Christians” make them feel ashamed and not good enough for being gay. But anyone who tells someone this is perpetuating the lie the devil wants us to hear: We aren’t worth it.

But Jesus showed us we are worth it—we’re worth everything! That’s why He died for us!

If we understand this truth, the question we all need to ask ourselves is: “Are we really willing to give up what we are created for just to have some short-term pleasure here?” Because that’s what we are saying when we encourage people to act on their temptations; when we tell them it’s okay because “love is love.” What does that even mean??

To make this statement is basically saying, “I love you, so I don’t want you to suffer—I think you should do whatever will make you happy right now.”

While on the flip side I’m saying, “I love you, but I want you to be eternally happy. We will have to suffer a bit here and carry the cross God gives us, but isn’t it worth it for heaven?”

However, if you don’t recognize your worth is in heaven, not earth, this logic will make zero sense to you. So in order to understand how I can be lovingly against same-sex marriage in a totally non-judgemental and condemning way, you first would need to understand this simple truth: We are made for heaven, not earth, and there are certain moral principles we must follow to get there.

LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX

Being a cradle Catholic from a very devout family, there was never a doubt that I would save myself for marriage. Sure there have been temptations when I’ve fallen in love in the past, but I think having a firm understanding of the purpose and beauty of sex has allowed me to put my values before the emotional high I may have felt at the time.

Some of my more worldly friends with different values often looked on me as “naive” or a “goody-two-shoes” because I wouldn’t take that “next step” with a boyfriend, refused to talk about sex in casual conversations or make sexual puns, and would get quiet when they talked about their experiences.

But here’s the reality they couldn’t understand: I think sex is beautiful!

It is one of the most sacred things we as human beings can experience because it mirrors and reflects the love of the Father for us. Total. Free. Faithful. Life-giving. That is what the sexual act was created for. Anything different is a disgrace and sort of like a sacrilege to this sacred act meant for husband and wife.

Pope John Paul II created this wonderful teaching Called the Theology of the Body which dives into the Church’s teaching on sexuality and the beauty of it. The following quote summarizes this depth.

“The body, in fact, and only the body, is capable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the divine. It has been created to transfer into the visible reality of the world, the mystery hidden from eternity in God, and thus to be a sign of it.”

Theology of the Body 19:4

IT’S NOTHING AGAINST GAYS

Just as the homesexual act goes against what God intended sex to be, so does premarital sex, contraception, or adultery. While I won’t go into the morality issues behind these right now, each of these different sins come from a misunderstanding, or a disobedience, toward the will of the Father about our sexuality.

If we truly understand the purpose and divine intimacy in the sexual act, we wouldn’t contracept, have affairs or premarital sex, or act out on same-sex attractions. Why? Because we would understand how it’s a huge insult to the Lord. He offers us this beautiful gift, and we want to distort it. In the process, we end up not even partaking in its full goodness—only a cheap and fake imitation.

Therefore, I refuse to make light of something so beautiful and sacred or endorse the idea of same-sex unions. It saddens me because people are taking a knock off version when they could have the real thing!

ALL ROADS POINT TO JESUS—ON THE CROSS AND HEAVEN

I don’t struggle with same-sex attraction, so I can’t imagine how painful it must be for those faithful Catholics carrying this cross and wanting to remain in accord with the Lord’s plan. However, I do have my own personal crosses. They’re different than yours, but aren’t we called to tackle them the same way? Aren’t we called to abandon our will, the things we want right now in this moment, for what God is giving us and asking of us in this moment? Isn’t that the purpose of the cross—to draw us closer and trust God ever more deeply so He will lead us to eternal life?

My friends, we all have our temptations. We all have our faults. And it’s not easy. But understanding the purpose behind WHY we can’t have certain things we want right now allows us to accept and find beauty in choosing lives of virtue. Love is a choice. A choice to choose Jesus over everything. When faced with a decision to do something to hurt him or love Him, choose to love Him, even when it’s hard.

And we need to call others to that standard as well. If you truly love another, don’t accept their sins and act like they’re fine and it will all be good. Instead, accept them—the beautiful child of God with inherent worth—and love them as Christ would. Encourage them to turn back to Truth, go to Confession, and enter back into the love Christ wills for them.

Love them to the cross. And be with them on the journey because chances are if they persist, it will end in a resurrection.

From the depths of my soul,

Josie

RESOURCES

If you struggle with same-sex attraction or sexual sins, we encourage you to check out the resources below!

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