HOW TO LOVE IN EVERY VOCATION
by Father Joseph Kuhlman
“Man cannot fully find himself, except through a sincere gift of himself.”
Gaudium et Spes 24
This was one of St. John Paul II’s favorite teachings. It demonstrates that a human being discovers who he is and who he is meant to be through a relationship of love and sacrifice.
Regardless of personal vocation, each person’s primary relationship is with God. He must be everyone’s primary relationship. God is always first: He leads, we follow. He gives, we receive. He has loved us first:
“Love one another as I have loved you.”
John 15:12
God is love, and no one can truly love another without being in God for we cannot give what we do not have. It is the foundation of every authentic vocation. Only the person who has received the love of God can truly evangelize and transform the world through their particular vocation because they will be giving and living true charity.
Each of us is called to live in the love of God by making a sincere gift of ourself to another in our particular vocation- marriage, religious life or single life. That gift of self is expressed differently in each vocation. The manner in which a Catholic priest makes a gift of himself to another looks different than the way a husband loves his wife. Nonetheless, through the gift of self within each vocation, we each become who we are created to be in Christ.
GIVING IN MARRIAGE
For those who are called to the state of Holy Matrimony, the gift of self to another is easy to perceive. The husband and wife give themselves faithfully and unconditionally to the other in generous openness to the life. Their love for their spouse is shown not just in how they treat each other, but also in how they love their children and each person in their life. Love is never turned in on itself; spouses who live by their love for each other make every act of their lives also an act of love for their spouse.
A married teacher caring for her students gives herself for the students entrusted to her, and at the same time those acts of love for the youth are acts of love for her husband to whom she has given her heart. Or a married doctor caring for his patients spends himself for their wellbeing, and at the same time those acts of love for his patients are acts of love for his wife to whom he has entrusted his entire self.
But what about the vocation of the consecrated? What about those called to celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of God? How does a religious sister or a priest fulfill that sincere gift of self to another?
GIVING IN THE CONVENT
How does a fully professed religious sister who has made perpetual vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience fulfill the vocation of love (i.e. give herself totally away to another)?
First of all, let’s be clear, the religious sister does not simply have Jesus as her spiritual Bridegroom through her baptism (each baptized person becomes a member of the Church, the Bride of Christ). She also has Jesus as her Bridegroom based on her particular vocation! Jesus has chosen her out of many others to be exclusively and totally HIS!
The purpose of her whole life and mission is to belong to Jesus as His Bride! If she loses sight of this or considers it to be mere pious words, then her vocation will be ruined from the inside. She will lose the purpose of her existence if she does not look upon Jesus in the Most Holy Eucharist as her Divine Spouse. He chose her to be His and His alone, and thus everything she does must be as one who knows to Whom she belongs!
Her husband is not a mere man- He is also God! Her vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience are the 3 nails that bind her to the Cross on which her Divine Spouse lies. The depths of her union and intimacy with Jesus depend on how she lives out her vows and the charism of her particular religious community. Everything for the faithful religious sister becomes an act of love for her Beloved Jesus.
Think of St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta. After a morning of Mass and deep prayer before the Most Blessed Sacrament, she went forth every day to serve Jesus in the poor. She found her Bridegroom everywhere- in everyone and everything! She meditated on the thirst of Jesus on the Cross for souls and sought to satiate His thirst by missing no opportunity to love! Every act of love for the poor was simultaneously an act of love for her Divine Spouse. She was consumed by a divine Fire that stopped at nothing, feared nothing, and desisted from nothing that would console the Heart of Jesus. She became a living sacrifice of Love for Jesus!
GIVING IN THE PRIESTHOOD
Now when we come to the priest who is ordained to act in the Person of Christ, we have a harder time understanding his spousal commitment and fidelity. Sacramentally, the priest is configured to Jesus Christ Himself, to lay down his life for the sheep (John 21:15). Jesus Christ Crucified is the model of the priest, for Jesus is consumed by Love for His Father and the eternal salvation of souls. But at the same time, the priest must always remember that he is a sheep too! He needs daily repentance, regular confession, and deep personal prayer before the Most Blessed Sacrament so Jesus can minister to him.
Yet how are we to understand the giving of the priest over to another? Who does the priest live for? To whom does he give his heart to? Who receives his sacrifice, the sacrifice of his life- day in and day out?
A wife and a husband find this relief and treasure in each other. A religious sister finds this consolation and strength in her Divine Spouse, Jesus. But the priest needs a woman to receive his sacrifice, or else he will get cranky, “overburdened,” burnt out, cynical, aloof, lonely, etc.
Who is the Woman of his heart? Who is she who rejoices his heart and for whom he lives and dies everyday? Who is she who guides him at the Altar at Mass and at the altar of his life? Who is she who looks him in the eyes, meets his gaze of sorrow or joy, and has a most compassionate heart of understanding for his every trial and struggle?
Is it not Mary? Is not the Blessed Virgin Mary the “Bridal Companion of the Priest?”***
THE PRIEST AND MARY
Perhaps this point sounds strange. This relationship is not one of the body, but of the Spirit.
When a man is ordained to the priesthood, he is truly configured to Christ Himself! Thus, the priest participates in Christ’s relationships as Christ does.
The priest is entrusted to Mary in more ways than one. The obvious and primary way is as son. He receives what Jesus, his older Brother and Firstborn of Mary, obtained for him on the Cross.
Yet in another sense, Mary and every priest are joined together at the Cross through a spiritual marriage (Matthew 19:6, Ephesians 5:32). For if Christ’s Bride is the Church, the preeminent Member of the Church is the Most Blessed Virgin Mary!
The Church begins in Mary, Christ’s Beloved. It is She who draws the Son of God into this world of time, from heaven to earth. Though Jesus is the Son of Mary according to the flesh, He is also the Bridegroom of Mary according to the Spirit! If it was Adam and Eve who caused our fall, it was the New Adam and the New Eve- the New Man (Jesus) and the New Woman (Mary)- who brought about our Redemption.
So not only is Mary the priest’s Mother, She also becomes his Bride of the Spirit. She is entrusted to him as She was entrusted to St. Joseph and as She was entrusted to St. John at the foot of the cross.
THE FACE OF MY BRIDE
A priest is not a bachelor. If he is configured to Christ by His priestly ordination, then His bride is the Church. But a bride must have a face, a bride cannot be abstract and nebulous.
Her name is Mary- She is the Face of the Church. She is the woman who waits for the gaze of the priest. She is the Woman who protect the celibacy of the priest and makes his ministry fruitful in touching the hardest of hearts. If there’s ever been a problem or crisis in the priesthood, perhaps it started right here- because the priest did not daily meet the gaze of Mary, because the priest did not give his heart to Mary, because the priest did not find himself in Mary.
Mary wants to receive the gift of the priest’s whole being and self. In everyone he serves, in everything he does, she receives his self-offering and presents it to God.
I have never been lonely as a priest- I have always found myself in her. She is my life. She is my heart. Everything!
For Mary I can never give enough! Nothing held back. Every drop, every sacrifice, it’s all for Her. She is the Woman who possesses my heart. Mary!
*** I am deeply indebted to Fr. Evan Koop of the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis on this point. He has an excellent article entitled: “Mary the Bridal Companion of the Priest” – I believe it is unpublished as of yet.
ABOUT FATHER JOSEPH KUHLMAN
Father Joseph is a Catholic priest is the Diocese of St. Augustine and one of Josie’s five older brothers. He is currently a parochial vicar at the Cathedral in St. Augustine, Florida. We appreciate his insight and openness to sharing his heart on our platform. We hope you learned as much as we did through his witness! THANK YOU Father Joseph!
