THE ADVICE THAT CHANGED THE MASS FOR ME
It was Good Friday and there I was crying in the confessional to some random priest who had the joy of hearing my confession that day. I’m not usually a confessional crier—closet-crying is more my style. So the fact I was letting a random priest see my tears was a big deal.
But he wasn’t just a random priest. I recognized in a special way that day that the priest was my Father. And I needed my Father.
Nothing was wrong, except for one small detail: I was tired of being single.
Now before you think that I was throwing a pity-party for my singleness, let me say that the reason I was crying was because I was frustrated with myself.
A year ago, fresh off a breakup, I had vowed never to let my relationship status steal my peace. I needed to let the Lord fill me up before I would be ready for another man in my life.I kept telling God He was enough for me. I spoke to Him daily, spent time in Adoration, and prayed countless Rosaries for my Vocation. I said I wanted whatever He wanted for me. I thought I had reached the point of surrender. I thought I got the message and learned my lesson over the last year.
But there I was, crying in the confessional because I wanted more. Crying because as much as I wanted God and God alone to be enough, I still wanted more.
WHY AM I NOT SATISFIED?
I felt embarrassed and selfish. Part of me felt like wanting more was wrong– I should abandon all my desires completely and give myself to Jesus entirely as His Bride. Only then could I give Him what He deserves: everything.
But the logical Josie knew this was an escape of my struggle, not a real desire for religious life. My desire for marriage is good. My desire to please the Lord and let Him fill me up is good. However, I have struggled for a long time with combining these two desires.
Yet that day in the confessional, the priest spoke to me as my Father and gave me advice that changed my perspective on everything.
LIFT UP YOUR HEART
He said, “You know during Mass when the priest says, ‘Lift up your hearts,’ and we respond, ‘We lift them up to the Lord?’”
I nodded, wondering where he was going with this.
“Well I want you to imagine yourself taking your heart out of your chest Indiana Jones style. You’re holding it in your hand until you say, “We lift them up to the Lord.” At that moment, imagine your heart going up to heaven.”
Okay, interesting concept. But I appreciate the Indiana Jones reference, I thought.
He continued, “Now you are there in the Church, heartless. But not for long. When you receive Jesus in the Eucharist, you will get a heart back. But it won’t be yours. It will be His. He will have your heart in heaven with Him, and you will have His here on earth.”
The priest went on, “Now because you don’t have your heart, you’re not able to give it to another man, because Jesus has it. In order for any man to get your heart in the future, they will need to ask for it from the One you love most: Jesus. He will need to get so close to Him that he should practically be a priest himself. BUT here’s the catch: Jesus might like your heart. He might want to keep it for Himself. Or He might just be guarding it for the right man. The one worthy enough to keep it safe as He would. But either way, you will always have a Man in your life to journey with you to Heaven so you will never be alone or unloved. Does that make sense?”
I nodded my head, trying to take in the depth and beauty of what he just said. I thanked Him, grabbed a couple tissues, and walked out of that confessional, but His words haven’t left my heart.
IT’S ALL FOR ME
Here I am, months later, still struggling with the same things. But the Mass has taken on a new depth for me. There on the sacrifice of the altar, when Our Lord sheds His blood for me, He is also giving me His heart. And I have the chance to give Him mine. Each and every day. Each and every Mass is an exchange of hearts. When I feel myself getting worked up over a guy, or feeling lonely and down, I kneel down in that pew, look up at the altar, and lift up my heart to the Lord.
Maybe you don’t struggle with your relationship status. It could be something else, anything else. It doesn’t matter. The Lord should always be our first Love, the One we seek to please in all things we do. By surrendering our hearts to Him through the Mass, we have the opportunity to give Him the gift of ourselves. We tell Him: Do whatever you wish. I am yours.
By lifting our hearts to Him, we let Him elevate our lives to eternity—the greatest good.
From the depths of my soul,
