“Jesus loves you.” It’s a phrase many of us have been told so often that it’s practically lost its meaning.
I’ve been through my share of ups and downs, joys and sorrows, but in the back of my mind I’ve always known that God loves me. Yet it wasn’t until I packed up everything I owned and moved hundreds of miles away from all of my friends and family that I realized how little I was actually letting God love me.
He basically handed me exactly what I wanted, and I had no clue what to do with it. I couldn’t grasp the concept that I could have all that my heart desired without any catches or stipulations. Yet the truth was simple: The Father delighted in giving me my heart’s desires.
Everything I Could Want
For once I felt as though my wants and desires perfectly aligned with the Father’s will. Somehow, after four years of hard work, I ended up in the exact Master’s program I had hoped and prayed for. A housing situation fell into my lap—I suddenly had a place to live within my desired price range, in the location I wanted, with two “built in” friends. One of these roommates was not in my program, offering a friendship beyond my small cohort, and the other I had known from the University of Florida. She would be in the depths of life with me—both in all of our classes and more importantly, in the race to heaven. Despite initial fears of being lonely and isolated, I felt peace.
The perfect occupational therapy program and roommate situation was just the beginning. The Father beamed with joy as he continued to fill my cup until it overflowed. Shortly after moving to a new city in South Florida, a Young Adult ministry took off in the area, offering weekly events, women’s nights, and new friendships. The community I was anxious to find was readily available and forming right before my eyes upon arrival.
The Author of life was writing all of these new and exciting adventures just for me, but when it came time to enter into this new place the Father had prepared for me, I was a bit overwhelmed. I had everything I had asked for, prayed for, and beyond. What was missing?
Simply allowing myself to be loved.
Receiving
I had forgotten how to just be and receive the Father’s love. I had grown so accustomed to struggling and fighting for everything that the valley of darkness and the shadow of the cross had become my home.
Looking more closely, my inability to receive was not only evident in my relationship with God, but in my friendships with others as well. After moving in with my new roommates and discussing ground rules, one said, “If I offer you something, I genuinely mean it. Don’t question it. There are no strings attached.”
I was initially confused as to why this was so important to her, but recognized the Father was speaking to me through her. He gently urged me to stop wondering if I was taking the next right step, to stop questioning if He was sure He wanted to give me all that He had.
Another time I reached out to a close friend asking if he had time to chat. However, once we were talking, I found myself at a loss for words with not much to truly talk about. Despite my lack of communication, he patiently listened to the few things I did say and offered to help and support me in whatever way he could. I felt silly for reaching out when I didn’t have much to say, but realized it was because I didn’t want to receive the love my friend offered through time spent listening.
Recently, I have seen things more clearly, and oh man am I witnessing the Father’s hand and love in everything. From always finding a parking spot before class to getting placed on the research team I wanted, the love keeps pouring down. How refreshing it is to walk out of my time in the valley of darkness through the intercession of Our Lady of Light (literally the name of my new parish in my new town #DivineProvidence).
The Next Step
If you’re like me—walking out of the valley of darkness, from a time of suffering and unaccustomed to the gifts of joy God is giving you—what are you going to do now? You’ve gotten what you wanted and have received more than you prayed for, so now what?
Let Him love.
Let Him love you through your granted desires and prayers. Offer thanksgiving and praise for all that you’ve been given and offer what you can to others. The Father delights in you and your childlike petitions. It brings Him much joy to open the doors you can’t reach on your own. So allow Him to be God, and allow yourself to be loved—in all His ways, big and small.
About Anna:
Anna is a 2019 graduate from the University of Florida who is currently in the Occupational Therapy program at Florida Golf Coast University in Fort Myers, Florida. If you don’t find her studying for an upcoming exam, she’s most likely hanging out with friends and family, eating dark chocolate, scavenging the internet for cheap flights for her next getaway adventure, or sitting in an empty Church spending quiet time with Jesus. You can find other posts she has written for us here.
