ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THE PERPETUAL PEOPLE-PLEASER
I don’t know if it’s a human condition or a Josie condition, but I think far too much about what people think.
Many of you may see me as this confident, God-fearing woman who’s unafraid to share her soul with the whole world online. While that’s true, it’s also true that I doubt myself all the time. I’m a dreamer and high-achiever, but I don’t do half of the things I think about doing out of fear: Fear that it’s over-the-top or too much. Fear that people won’t like me. Fear that I will offend. Fear that I’m too “extra.” Just plain fear.
I am a people-pleaser in every sense of the word. I hate conflict. I want everyone to like me, to love me, and want to hang out with me. I overanalyze, overthink, and overdo. And when it’s all said and done, the person I’m most upset with is myself. I let others dictate my feelings.
If I don’t get invited somewhere, if that guy doesn’t respond to my text, or if I get into a stupid argument with a friend, I let it get me down. It may not show through my sunny disposition, but I take far too much delight in being liked and esteemed in the eyes of others.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME?
Moving across the country to a place where I practically knew no one really brought out this fault in me. As an extrovert, I wanted to immediately have a million friends and get invited to everything. I wanted to find my niche and always have events to attend, friends to hang out with, and things to do. While my personality allows me to make friends easily, this is never an immediate process so there have been times of loneliness. In time, this feeling weighed heavy on me.
One day I was feeling particularly burdened by this desire to please, so I went to daily Mass at the Basilica here on Notre Dame’s campus. After Mass, I found myself wandering behind the altar and I stumbled upon this beautiful painting of Our Lady of Guadalupe.
Wanting some motherly comfort, I plopped myself down on the kneeler in front of her. I shared my struggles with Our Lord and His Mother. Then the question came out of me,
“What do you think of me? Please tell me.”
Maybe as a combination of my own thoughts and Divine inspiration, I imagined Jesus and His Mother answering me.
“You’re beautiful, smart, and have a pure and natural desire to pursue the Lord in all things. You have big ideas and dreams to share with the world. But you let people and what they think of you hold you back far too often from the inspirations God places on your heart. We know who you are. But do you?”
This may have just been me giving myself a pep talk, or maybe it was my conscience talking to me, but I know it was true.
I spend too much time thinking about doing instead of actually acting on what inspires me. While I realize I can’t do everything and give myself to everyone with my limited time, I do know I can prioritize what’s most important and act on my intentions. And I think that’s what Christ calls each of us to do.
THE ULTIMATE INSPIRATION
Here’s the truth: Jesus didn’t care what people thought of Him. If He did, He wouldn’t have done 95%t of the things He did. He didn’t let fear stop Him.
People hated Christ, and He died for it! Jesus knew that pursuing His earthly mission was more important than winning friends and being liked. Jesus was not a people-pleaser. Jesus wasn’t an over-thinker. Jesus was a doer. Jesus was truth-teller.
Think about it, Jesus DID offend people–He had his enemies.
As John 15:18 says, “If you the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.”
Jesus’ example of mission encourages us onward toward truth. To rise above our desire to please others and instead desire to please the Lord.
BE A JESUS-PLEASER
Knowing all of this does not mean I won’t struggle with it anymore. I still do every day and might struggle for the rest of my life. My desire to be loved and liked by all is a cross I have to carry.
Because I have this cross, it means I have the opportunity to embrace it every day. It gives me the opportunity to ask Jesus every day, “What do you think of me?”
Hearing His words of affection and affirmation propel me forward. I know I am loved. I know He has given me incredible gifts to share with the world. I know I am beautiful. And even if nobody else laughs at my jokes, I’m sure Jesus and the Saints do up in heaven (or maybe it’s just me lol).
My point is this: just because everyone doesn’t see these things doesn’t mean they aren’t true. Not every guy will find me attractive. Not every friend will think I’m funny. Not everyone will think I’m a good writer or find this blog inspiring. In fact, some people may think I’m boring and a terrible writer. But you know what, I don’t care! Or at least I try not to.
Whenever I doubt myself based on what I think others perceive, I ask Jesus. He tells me. He reminds me who I am. My confidence comes from Him, and I hope yours does, too.
Stop letting others hold you back from the inspirations the Holy Spirit places on your heart. Take action on your inspiration! Don’t think, do.
Join me, friends, in being a Jesus-pleaser, not a people-pleaser. If we do this, I believe we will not only change the world, but inspire others to walk confidently in the Lord as well.
From the depths of my soul,
