EMBRACING CROSSES & THE CAMINO
This past summer, I hiked 220 miles across Spain in 14 days with 12 people I barely knew, carrying only the clothes and supplies I could fit in my backpack. And to top it off, I was less than two months away from marrying the man of my dreams. Yes, you heard that correctly. I traded all the last minute wedding planning for hiking boots, handed the reins over to my fiancé, and left.
Why would anyone ever do such a thing?! It sounds totally insane, right?! But here’s the simple answer: Jesus called, and I went.
CHANGING COURSE
As I was ending my time as a missionary with FOCUS (The Fellowship of Catholic University Students), I decided I wanted my last big adventure to be a mission trip. Originally, I was planning to fulfill my biggest travel dream by going on a mission trip to Australia. A few months later, I was told Australia wasn’t going to work out, but there happened to be an opening for the Camino de Santiago. I don’t know why, but I immediately said yes, hung up the phone, and reality in the form of panic set in.
You see, the Camino de Santiago is not just your average pilgrimage. You cannot just get up, go, and expect to make it. You have to prepare and train– mentally, spiritually, and physically. The Camino encompasses a series of trails all across Spain that end at the cathedral in the town of Santiago. If you were to go the full distance, you would begin in southern France and walk around 500 miles for a month or longer.
“What am I getting myself into?” I thought. “I can’t do this.”
“Yes you can. I will do it for you.” God whispered to my heart.
A ROUGH START
During the Camino journey, my group chose to walk the first two hours (4-6 miles) of each day in silence. We walked anywhere from 7-19 miles every day through loud cities, silent country roads, rigorous mountains, and deep valleys.
Toward the beginning of our journey, I had arguably the worst day of the trip. For starters, I made the rookie mistake of tying my boots too tight. And it hurt. Excruciating pain shot up my legs with each step I took. Turns out this was one of the longest days of the trip,and we were climbing a mountain. It was already hot when we started out in the morning, which meant the day would just get hotter. Woof.
Mentally, physically, and spiritually, I was defeated. I was furious and exhausted. Negative talk filled my head. With every step I took in pain, my group took 20 steps ahead of me, and the distance between us kept growing. It was during the time of morning silence, so I had no one to turn to except God. And I let Him have it.
Someway, somehow, I finally made it to the top of the mountain. It was the most breathtaking view I had ever seen. There was a beautiful cross at the top, so my group decided it was the perfect place for Mass and Adoration.
Normally this would excite me, but I was still mad about the morning hike, so I refused to speak to anyone. Instead I just sulked in my pain.
In the midst of Mass on top of the mountain, I realized random pilgrims from across the world were curious and joining in. Some prayed with us, others sat uncomfortably unaware of what to do in the back. But God moved hearts, especially my stony one.
EXPERIENCING THE CROSS AND RESURRECTION
In the middle of Adoration, it hit me: This must have been how Jesus felt during the Crucifixion.
And what always comes after the crucifixion? A Resurrection.
Suddenly, my angry heart was moved to tears of joy as I began thanking Jesus for very vividly showing me how to enter into His Passion and feel hope for the Resurrection.
Isn’t this what the Christian journey toward Heaven is all about?!
My friends, life is hard. When we are living it for Christ, it can feel as if a target is on our back. Some days we are living in the Resurrection so joyfully, while other days we are walking the road to Calvary under very heavy weight. On those crucifixion days, it consumes us. There seems to be absolutely no hope for our hurting hearts.
How do we overcome it?
EMBRACING YOUR CROSS
First, we must allow our hearts to feel and take everything to our loving Savior. Say to Him, “Jesus, I can’t. You can. You promised.” These are the words I was taught by my former spiritual director. When I’m praying these words, I try to enter into His Passion. I picture myself at the foot of the cross, with my Savior gazing down upon me, as I open my hands and give Him whatever is bothering me. This allows me to truly acknowledge my emotions and surrender them to Jesus for healing.
Second, ask for help. Not only through prayer, but take these hardships to a trusted friend, priest, or spiritual director. If needed, seek out professional counseling. Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to receive love from others in order to be reminded of the resurrection to come. For me on this day, one of the students noticed me falling behind so he patiently waited for me to pass him and walked a few steps behind me to silently encourage me. His presence brought me comfort—which is sometimes all we need… someone to be present to us.
Lastly, we must remind ourselves that we are capable of doing more than we think we can. In the midst of the storm, it can be hard to recognize the gifts and talents we have been blessed with. The best way to return to this mindset is to acquire an attitude of gratitude. God never gives us more than we can handle. And the cross He gives each of us, even the worst trials and sorrows, are a gift. Why? Because we get to enter into the passion of Christ. We get to walk with Jesus to Calvary and comfort Him on the cross, just as He comforts us with our crosses. We are never alone.
“Be strong and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the LORD, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you.” –Deuteronomy 31:6
All my love,
