God is good all the time.
Everything happens for a reason.
God can be found in all things.
Really?? Lying on a makeshift hospital bed in a medical tent at mile 25 of the marathon, I was not so sure. These maxims I had grown up hearing (and declaring!) seemed like a sick joke. This did not feel good or God-filled in any way, shape, or size. It felt more like a punch to the gut…and I was angry.
I am a runner. Ever since high school when my coach switched me to the distance team, I felt alive on long runs when my mind wandered and my feet fell into rhythm. The training for half marathons and marathons fascinated me. It invited me to learn more, train harder, grow in discipline, and deepen my friendships made out on the trails. I learned to appreciate the beauty of the world, and thank God for the strength of this body He gave me. My early morning runs became meditative for me and a time to reconnect with God. I always returned refreshed, enlivened, and ready for the twists and turns of the day. In running, in teaching, in faith, I reminded myself that the hard was what made it great. Sacrifices, delayed gratification, and long term goals were all parts of this life, and race training echoed that truth.
So how did I get it come to this?!? Here I was on the side of the course with my goal slipping away! I was on track for a huge personal record in the marathon after four months of dedicated training. All those Friday nights in, my careful nutrition plan, weekly yoga and cross-training, hard workouts offered up in prayer, money raised for a good cause… all of it felt like it’d been thrown back in my face! At mile 25, due to a combination of heat, humidity, and over-exerting my body, I collapsed. Instead of crossing the finish line to hug friends and family, I was in a medical tent, covered in ice bags and dumbstruck by the sudden turn of events.
Where was God in all of this?
God Did You Forget Me?
For me, a marathon collapse prompted this question. However, there will come a time when we all whisper, scream, or beg God or someone, to answer the following question.
Where are you, God? I don’t feel You here.
Whatever your life circumstance… A diagnosis, a sudden death, an unexpected break-up, a passion-less job, another negative pregnancy test… we may all question God’s presence at one point or another. There is so much we cannot control, in life or in racing, because WE are not in control. My type-A personality has trouble embracing this, but the marathon collapse forced me to admit this truth. However, it wasn’t easy.
I was begrudged and angry those early weeks after the collapse. When I was getting my blood work checked regularly and could not exercise, I concluded that the four months of training were a waste. I wallowed in self-pity, eating ice cream out of the carton and refusing to even think about God.
I had failed.
And God, whom I had thought was running alongside of me, had abandoned me. Only time and God’s gentle nudging drew me out of myself and my self-focused ambitions. Were the four months of training futile because I did not achieve a certain number on the clock? Was I actually letting that define me?
Seeking the Good in the Bad
Although race day did not transpire as I expected or hoped it would, looking back I have learned to recognize and appreciate all that led to that day. While I didn’t recognize it in the moment, training taught me to grow in virtuous practices, especially the following:
- Consistency & Discipline: I practiced self-discipline in my stretching, yoga, core routines, and sleep habits. These could extended to other areas of my life, such as keeping dates with friends, sending handwritten notes, going to weekly Adoration, and sticking to a consistent morning prayer routine. A healthy mind and body led to a healthy soul.
- Health of Mind, Body, & Spirit: Eating well allowed me to see food as nourishment to strengthen the one body God gave me to do as much good as possible in this life.
- Wonder: I saw so much of my city from my own two feet! I explored new trails, saw sunrises that I would have missed, and was left in awe of the beauty of creation.
- Generosity: I learned generosity from my friends who joined me on runs. From family members who accompanied me on their bikes. From strangers who offered encouragement on the track during a hard workout. From local stores who allowed me to grab water during long runs. From so many loved ones who donated to raise money for the GW Cancer Center on behalf of my bib. I was reminded that people are so good.
The whole time I thought I was training for one goal: a marathon PR. However, I did not realize the process of training had been honing me into a better version of myself.
The collapse need not nullify that, as long as I chose to see the experience as something more. Once I shifted my perspective to one that was broader than a time on the race clock, I could see God in the whole process.
Find Jesus in Everything
From the early days of training to laying in the hospital with my family and friends at my side, God was there. His plans were different than the ones I had in mind, but I had to learn to surrender my plans to His.
Maybe my training was actually teaching me how to love and be loved. To practice sacrifice and self-discipline, and spend more time in awe of nature. To realize I am not loved for what I look like, how much money I make, my relationship status or how fast I run. Maybe the important thing was to experience hurt and disappointment and still trust that God was there.
In time, I learned I could find purpose in my pain and in surrendering to God’s plan. For all the growth that has occurred since mile marker 25, I am grateful.
So I encourage you, friends, to find Jesus in everything. Whether good or bad, God invites us to find Him there. So the next time you face failure or disappointment, instead of despairing, let us remember that we have a God who does not abandon us in those moments. He walks (or maybe runs) by our sides.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned through it all, it’s this: God can be found in all things.
ABOUT GRACE:
Grace and I connected on Instagram as we recognized our shared passions for Jesus and fitness. She’s an avid runner, daughter, sister, friend, and soon-to-be-aunt who loves to learn, explore, and cook mostly healthy dishes, while still satisfying her sweet tooth! A New England gal, she calls Indiana home right now as a full-time graduate student. She loves fresh flowers, farmers’ markets, trail mix, and celebrating friends’ and family’s moments of joy. She doesn’t have any idea what the path ahead looks like for her, but she trusts that it will be good. Find her on Instagram @_solefaith where you can learn more about a women’s running retreat taking place this fall in Indiana!
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
