“You know,” said the priest with a stern gentleness as he sat across from me in the Confessional, “The root of all of these sins is a lack of self-control.”

Oof.

Although this moment from over two years ago was a serious stab to my pride, it launched me on a new path of intentional growth in the spiritual life. More than just thinking about growing in holiness, it showed me a path to actually grow in holiness. This moment led me to more intentionally pursue the virtues in my everyday life, especially the virtue of temperance.

What is Temperance?

We are bodily creatures, which means that we have sensible desires—we want things that we can perceive with our senses. These can be very good things: family relationships and friendships, food to keep us alive, music that lifts up our spirits. None of these things, however, can fulfill the deepest desire in our hearts for happiness. Only God can do that.

Temperance is the virtue that helps us to know and live that truth out in our everyday lives. If God is truly our greatest good, moderating our sensible desires won’t be a detriment to our happiness. It’s not about repressing our desires, but about ordering our desires. Sometimes we have to say no to something in order to say yes to something better. Ultimately, it leads us to know that while our sensible desires can be good, God is always better.

It’s easy to mix up temperance with prudence. Prudence focuses more on using practical reason to know what is right or wrong in every given situation, while temperance focuses on mastering our instincts and desires.

Pursuit of this virtue doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t love your favorite desserts, movie nights with your family, or a kiss goodbye from your significant other. It just means recognizing these things aren’t the most important. It means being happy to put certain limits on these sensible goods because you know they won’t fulfill you.

In this way, temperance is, as Saint Augustine says, “love preserving itself whole and unblemished for God.” It is the virtue that refuses to let us become slaves to our desires, but instead enables us to become masters over our desires. In this freedom, we can love God above all things.

Self-Masters

Every single one of us is going to struggle with particular and unique desires and temptations that we must work on mastering. To jumpstart your reflection on how you can cultivate this virtue in your life, here are some areas to consider:

1.  Food and Drink: Obviously, we need food and drink to survive, but I am sure we are all familiar with that feeling of having had too much. The temperate person knows to say, “I am good, thank you,” when they have had enough to eat at that family dinner party, before they reach their limit on alcohol, or even when they know they shouldn’t eat that extra dessert. Train yourself to know that you don’t need the extras. Maybe start by fasting from one small thing every day—no ice in your water, no cream and sugar in your coffee, no ketchup with your French fries—and offer these small sacrifices as gifts to the Lord.
2. Boundaries: In relationships, temperance is extremely useful when setting boundaries. In dating relationships, this might look like setting your own curfew for date nights or fasting from kissing on the weekends. Boundaries can extend to other relationships, too. Perhaps it’s asking your family to have family nights on weekends rather than weeknights so you’re not staying up late before work or class; asking your friends if you can stay in and have deep chats instead of always going out; or agreeing with your roommate to not have guests over on weeknights.  
3. Modesty: The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains that temperance helps to “keep desires within the limits of what is honorable” (paragraph 1809). This virtue, then, calls us to refuse to unveil what should remain hidden. We can definitely think of ways this applies to how we dress and carry ourselves. However, I want to encourage you to also consider how we can cultivate modesty in speech. Entering into gossip, making snide remarks, or sharing someone else’s embarrassing secret at the office or between classes might make us feel good and like we are somehow building up a sense of community, but in reality, these words tear down trust and true charity. It’s better for us to prioritize love for our neighbor by thinking before we speak, dress, and act.
4. Silence: We are bombarded with noise every single day. Music, podcasts, and social media can be good and enjoyable things, but when our minds are filled with constant stimuli, it’s hard for us to cultivate any kind of interior silence. We lose our ability to focus and think long and deeply. We have a harder time engaging in long meaningful conversations. We don’t take the time to understand how we are truly feeling or to see areas where we need to grow. We give up on prayer after 5 minutes. Instead of reading short Instagram captions for half an hour, read a book. Instead of playing music on your drive home from work, sit in silence and examine your day. Set a rule for no phones during meals. Challenge yourself to spend just as much time listening in prayer as you are speaking.

As we’ve said throughout this series on the virtues, a virtue is a  “habitual and firm disposition to do the good” (Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 1803). When we learn these habits, we become always ready and prompt in living as Jesus lived. By cultivating temperance, may we constantly remind ourselves that while our sensible desires might be good, God is always better.

In what area of your life is God calling you to greater balance and practice the virtue of temperance?

From my heart to yours,

Samantha