WHY WE CAN’T LOVE WITHOUT VULNERABILITY
I have this friend I’ve known most of my life who is beautiful inside and out. She’s the kind of girl who instantly brightens your day with her spunky personality, wit, joy, and enthusiasm. However, for all the years I’ve known her, I’ve rarely heard her talk about herself. In fact, part of me wondered what her joys and struggles were because she never spoke about them.
Every time we hung out, I always felt like I was sharing way more about myself than she was. I just figured she wasn’t comfortable sharing what was on her heart with me—which was totally fine. But I knew there was something deeper because everyone has something.
Then, one day it happened.
We grabbed coffee and after our usual catching up, she shared her heart. This beautiful woman, whom I admired, told me she struggled with an eating disorder and body image issues. I was only the second person she told and she had been struggling for years. YEARS.
My heart broke for her. She was scared and frustrated, fighting this monster inside herself for far too long all alone. She wanted to change. She begged God to heal her and take it away. Regardless, her mind still obsessed over her appearance every time she looked in a mirror.
At the same time, I felt a deep sense of gratitude toward her. I was thankful she mustered up the courage to share her heart with me and trusted me to walk beside her in this struggle.
The truth is: we can’t battle life alone. We will drown. When we open up to Jesus and others, we will find that our burdens are so much lighter. Our struggles unite us. Our humanity makes us closer.
Putting up walls and wearing a mask so people don’t see our full selves is only doing us a disservice. Can we truly allow ourselves to be loved if we don’t let others see what’s behind the mask??
VULNERABILITY = LOVE
C.S. Lewis has this great quote. He says,
“To love at all is the be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis
I think people are terrified of vulnerability because they are scared of being burned, afraid of trusting someone and being wounded deeply in return. This happens in many relationships—friends, siblings, parents and children—but most especially in romantic relationships.
Scared of falling in love and revealing the depths of their soul to another, people would rather put up a wall and pretend. Sadly, this isn’t love—only an imitation. For to love, as C.S. Lewis said, is to be vulnerable.
If you can’t share yourself fully with another; if you can’t take down the wall and let them see behind the mask, then you’re living out of fear and not love.
FEAR… GET OVER IT
In vulnerability, we take down our masks; we let ourselves be seen and loved- every part of us.
And it’s true—sometimes we might get burned.
We’ve all had that ex, that friend, that relative who has wounded us and made us want to build a wall around our hearts. It really hurts. We trusted that person enough to take down our mask, but they wounded us instead.
Maybe it wasn’t intentional, but does it really make a difference?
Nonetheless, we always have a choice in our reaction. We can build that wall, paint the mask on thicker, and refuse to let our guard down again, refusing to be vulnerable. OR we can forgive and move on.
I think that’s the whole point of love.
TO LOVE IS TO FORGIVE
The easiest person in the entirety of creation to be vulnerable with is Jesus. We should always first share ourselves with Him because we know, no matter what, He is going to keep on loving us. Nothing can change the immense desire He feels for each and every one of our souls.
Think about it.
God created human beings out of sheer goodness. But we burned Him, badly. All He ever wanted was for us to love Him in return and we did for a while. Then the things of the world tempted us. Satan dangled a fruit in front of us and we were weak enough to think that it would be better than what God would give us. So we cut God off. Willingly.
The act of Adam and Eve is reflected in us every single time we sin and turn against God. We burn Him time and time again. Yet, He never shuts us out. Time and time again He welcomes us with open arms and unending mercy—most visibly in the sacrament of Confession. He forgives, even when it’s hard. He doesn’t build up walls or stop loving us. He forgives. And He asks the same of us.
TAKE OFF THE MASK
I know it’s hard. People are difficult sometimes and won’t like us. But we are called to love—which means we must let our guard down, take off the mask, and let people in. And if they hurt us? Forgive. Again and again. Even when it’s hard, even when the other person keeps hurting us and isn’t remorseful, we are called to forgive.
For if we don’t, we risk our ability to love. And that, my friends, is a great tragedy.
From the depths of my soul,
