A PEP TALK FOR ALL SINGLE GALS
I’m just gonna put something out there. I’ve always felt pretty alone on the whole dating scene.
My faith and values have always been of utmost importance to me, and I’ve been unwavering in keeping my standards and expectations high. Nonetheless, long periods of singleness have often made me question if I’m too picky or stubborn with the qualities I look for in a man. But in the end, I know deep down I could never date a man who would jeopardize the values most important to me. It is far better to stay single or unmarried, than date or marry a man who doesn’t challenge me to grow in holiness and lead me to heaven.
With my minimal dating experience, watching many of my friends go from boyfriend to boyfriend, or get engaged and married has often left me feeling alone. I don’t have this exhaustive list of ex-boyfriends or a strong and steady man in my life like many of my friends. But I know I’m not the only one in this boat.
As we enter February and approach Valentines Day, I wanted to write to all of ya’ll single people out there- especially you women.
I want to speak life to you because it’s okay to be different. It’s okay not to settle. It’s okay not to have an extensive list of exes. It’s okay to have expectations and standards for your future.
“YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR ME.”
One time a guy told me, “You’re too good for me.”
When I initially heard those words, I was very confused. I wasn’t sure whether it was a compliment or an insult.
I was initially upset because he didn’t think he was good enough to pursue me. And honestly that hurt. It hurt that he thought I was “too holy” or “too good.” I hated how he put me on a pedestal, when I knew that if he knew the real me, he’d see all my faults and failures. But mainly it hurt because deep down a voice whispered,
“See, you set yourself up for failure. You’re never going to find a man to measure up to your standards. Get used to being alone.”
But as I pondered his response, I smiled.
“GOOD!” I thought. “If a man isn’t willing to raise his virtues and values to pursue me, he isn’t worth my time. If a man thinks I’m ‘too good’ for him, that’s just code for, ‘I don’t want to try so hard.’ I would much rather grow in holiness alone than stay complacent with him.”
I was also reminded of one of my absolute favorite quotes by Fulton J. Sheen. He says,
“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”
BE THAT WOMAN
If you’re single and struggling to find a good, virtuous man (or a holy woman for you dudes out there), this is just a reminder to stay strong.
You don’t need to stop going to Church so much or stop praying so often. You don’t need to go out to more bars and drink more. You don’t need to wear lower cut shirts or shorter skirts. You don’t need to stop volunteering on the weekends. You don’t need to stop standing up for your faith or justify your piety.
Be who you are. Be the holy woman of God you’ve fought to become. Strive for sanctity. Keep going to Mass. Keep receiving the sacraments. Go to confession. Make that holy hour.
You should never be ashamed of being a good Catholic.
As much as I hate to admit it, I definitely have before. I’ve tried to downplay how passionate I am about my faith so I wouldn’t scare a guy off by it. I realize us kind of women can be intimidating – we know who we are and live it boldly. Most guys will probably be scared by it.
But that’s okay.
Because if and when that guy comes along who rises to your standards, he will be thankful you kept them so high. And regardless of whether you ever find that man, Jesus will be thankful for your steadfastness in living for Him first. He will be thankful that you put Him and His virtues before any man.
Nothing- absolutely nothing- is wrong with you if you haven’t found the man you’re looking for. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to feel alone. Be the kind of of woman that makes men rise up. Challenge them by living your life boldly as a woman.
Be that bad a%$ woman God created you to be.
From the depths of my soul,
Josie
